


Dread

by batfam_or_death



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23686189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batfam_or_death/pseuds/batfam_or_death
Summary: This NOT a fanfic. It's just words. It's my own mind that wanted to release itself. Please DO NOT read this if you struggle with depression or suicidal thoughts that are overwhelming.This is purely a release for myself and you are under no obligation to read it. Don't hurt yourself. It is okay to not be okay. But don't push yourself.





	Dread

It has come to my attention that I am not who you think I am.  
I am not a dutiful student. I am not the faithful one.  
I am an actor, one who is so good at pretending that they fooled everyone around them for years without dropping the charade.  
This has now caused unforeseen problems as the facade cannot leave lest the destruction of it bring out a worse betrayal then could have ever been imagined.  
You claim to hate the hypocrite, yet you yourself have become one of them.  
You have fooled the world and didn't think of what the consequences to those you drew into your net would bring.  
You can't even escape to hide the obvious truth.  
You are trapped, drowning beneath a sea of despair of your own doing.  
You have no one to blame but yourself.  
You don't want to do that thing because then it would become obvious, the lie you have been hiding your whole life.  
You are a disgrace to all humankind. You are so desperate to protect yourself from the wrongdoings of others, you have created a monster believed to be the light.  
You let them get to close and now you have nowhere to run because if you run, they will find you.  
You say there is something in me that you long to follow; something you can't put your finger on; i’ll tell you what it is.  
It's the ability to betray you before your very eyes and not let you see until I have already dragged you down too far to return to the top.  
That something you want to see, you don't. The truth will not be a pretty thing to realize.  
You will sink to the floor in disgust as you wish to cleanse yourself of the putrid filth that has dripped onto your pure frame.  
The darkness is fathoms deep, untouchable by the piercing light of day. It shall never come to light.  
It shall remain forgotten for all of time, a sea of black, ever changing before the end of the world.  
Your mind is a pit that is trying to fill itself back up without success.  
Every time you shovel, it only seems to dig deeper. Isn't that what you wanted?  
To dig a hole so deep that you could just dig through and escape to the other side? Would it be that wrong to let them see?  
Wouldn't you deserve the looks on their faces that would fall in despair?  
Isn't it what you knew would happen if you kept this up. And look at all you have accomplished through this?  
You are a liar, a thief of all that is good in this world, and you don't deserve to keep fighting for it, you lost that right a long time ago. And there's no coming back from it.  
Even if you ran now, to get away from your own mind, your past.  
Where would you run? There is no place you could hide.  
Sure it might work for awhile. You could ask not to be found. But they would be persistent.  
You would never truly escape. They would stop at nothing to get you back. And when they did, they would spout the lies they think they believe to your face.  
How would you live with yourself then? But you could do it. Escape to a new reality; you've done it before, to cope.  
It is why your mind-scape is so strong, why it could be real. That's what you have to do.  
Just make them see you really are crazy and that it's not just something you say. You could prove it. It wouldn't be hard.  
You already teeter on the fence, just let yourself fall. Maybe, just maybe, when you fall, the pieces will be beyond recognition and repair.  
Then you could live in solitude without the loud, ever present voices in your head to tell you how much you failed. How far you have fallen.  
You always thought you were the hero of the story, did it take you so long to come to the conclusion, for you to realize you were the villain all along.  
And that's what makes your story so good. It's because most of the time the villain doesn't actually know that they are the villain.  
They think they are the hero all along until you get to the end and the veil is torn away and the truth shines through… you were always the villain. Always.  
If you can't drown out the voices in your head with the repeated beat of the techno, maybe you can silence them.  
Or maybe that's how it needs to be. This is the punishment for what you have done. You know there will be one.  
You can't escape from it. It is attached to you like a shadow.  
You never lose it, but when the sun comes out you can see it more clearly.


End file.
